Understanding non-verbal cues can help us diffuse potentially embarrassing situations before we blush. The bonus is building self-confidence, which also prevents that shame induced blush. Try this exercise. Recall a past event that left you feeling robbed of your self esteem. Got it? Okay, now, sit up straight, pull your stomach in, and hold your shoulders back. Lift your head up, eyes looking up and slightly to the left.
Did you feel the pressure lessen in you chest, and a sense of relaxation settle in around your shoulders? The inner chatter stopped too, right? What if you could use this technique in potentially awkward situations to keep you from dissolving behind a red faced blush?
Looking up sends a signal to the brain that you are now open to imagine new possibilities. The recording of failure and disappointment stops! You’ve stopped the drama, the Script, as they say in Transactional Analysis. That’s exactly where you want to be. This simple gesture is telling the brain you are ready to learn a new response to being in a potentially threatening social or professional situation.
This technique is used in cognitive behavioral therapy and many of the behavior modification techniques practiced in neuro-linguistic programming. I have used this technique to successfully blast through symptoms of depression that lingered for months following a serious loss, and later, actually saw it being taught at a class given for people struggling with depression related self esteem issues. Whenever I felt myself slip into the classic whipped depressive posture, head dropped to the right, signaling ruminating on the past (pain), shoulders bowed forward like a punch drunk fighter, I snapped myself out of it with this simple trick. Soon I was back in control of my thoughts again. It still comes in handy during particularly stressful times when I need to be sure I am thinking clearly.
By changing our body language, we change our responses. We literally snap ourselves out of negative, destructive thoughts patterns and open our minds to new possibilities. Just imagine what you could do if you didn’t have the burden of low self esteem holding you back.
Stressful situations often go from bad to worse because we react without stopping to create the best response, the one that will trigger a positive outcome. We can control what we think, and therefore feel. Most times, these calm, positive feelings will allow us to take part in a spontaneous, meaningful way. As a result, our confidence grows even further.
Conversely, you can use this insider’s information to accurately read the cues of those around you. A listener who drops his gaze or closes his eyes altogether is displaying a negative reaction to the conversation taking place in his mind. It may not be to you. It may be the topic, or his impatience with needing to discuss it at all.
Take your cue, be cohesive, and close with confidence.
