James and Lucy are having problems withtheir relationship. James has to work long hours to get ahead in his job and Lucy thinks he is never there for her. Because Lucy spends all her time looking after the children James feels that she is not spending anytime looking after his needs. Can these issues be sorted and the relationship saved. Should it be saved.
Here is how to save a relationship.
The first decision to make is whether the relationship is worth saving. Both partners must decide that they want the relationship to work. This can be done only if both parties are prepared to do the hard work that is necessary.If one of the partners is not prepared to totally commit to saving the relationship then it cannot be done.
Some people want to stay in the relationship for the wrong reasons. They stay because of the children or it is convenient and they dont want to move away from their comfort zone. How to save a relationship starts with a commitment from both parties that they believe it is worth saving.
The next step is to truely identify the problem or problems that are in the relationship. This is not as easy as it sounds. Sometimes times we confuse the problem with the symptom of the problem.
To give an example if one of the partners has an affair, most of us would say the affair was the problem. In reality that was probably a reaction to an existing problem. The affair is a symptom of a deeper problem between the couple. Perhaps a lack ot true intimacy was the real issue. It is very important to dig deep and understand that the behaviour of each partner could be a reaction to how they are feeling about what seems to be an unrelated issue. If the wife does not like her husband playing golf, often it is because she is feeling neglected. If they work on that then the golf issue will disapear.
If you start to solve these deeper problems and not react to the symptoms the relationship can be saved.
if you have managed to identify these core issues you will notice that you are honestly sharing your feelings and thoughts. Once you start sharing your true feelings and very importantly listening to your partners you will start to reconnect on a new level.Sit down together in a non threatening manner when you have these discussions. Hold hands to show that you are both in this together and want to stay connected. When your partner states things that you think are hurtful try and concentrate on the rebuilding and remember they are probably hurting also.
As with any problems, once they have identified you must both create an action plan and a strategy to solve them. If you find that you have not been spending time together like you used to plan a night together every week. The middle of the week is a good time for this. Have fun taking turns to come up with things you will both enjoy doing. It is easy to never have good communications. Make a set time for sitting down and discussing things together. It is just as easy to get into the habit of talking as it is getting into the habit of not taking the time.
These ideas will help you realize how to save a relationship.
Unfortunately with saving a relationship there is no miracle pill, it is an ongoing process. You will have good times and then find yourselves slipping back. Remember to encourage and support each other rather than blame and criticize. Remember you have decided that the relationship is worth saving.
