http://www.articlealley.com en-us editorial@articlealley.com Christmas is almost here and you get to decide who you want to be. I don't mean if you want to be Santa Claus. I mean what kind of person do you want to be? Do you want to be a person who chooses your actions according to your fears of rejecti... http://www.articlealley.com/article_1301394_24.html 17th December 2009 What are couples really meaning when they say, "We can't communicate"?The issue with understanding what this means is what they mean by "communicate."All too often, when a partner states, "We can't communicate," what he or she means is "I can't get my par... http://www.articlealley.com/article_1284681_35.html 10th December 2009 Why would someone be afraid of intimacy? Don't we all want to feel close and connected with someone?Yes, of course we want that, but there are very real fears that keep us from opening to emotional intimacy in a primary relationship.<br ... http://www.articlealley.com/article_1274213_35.html 07th December 2009 We all have many addictive ways of avoiding feeling our painful feelings and taking responsibility for them. Some of the ways are obvious, such as using substances and processes. Some of the ways can be very subtle.Leon often struggled with fe... http://www.articlealley.com/article_1259180_24.html 26th November 2009 "I have an everyday religion that works for me. Love yourself first, and everything else falls into line."--Lucile Ball, 1911-1989, Comedienne and ActressLucile Ball was a very smart woman!Do you believe that if you ... http://www.articlealley.com/article_1249148_24.html 24th November 2009 Clifford, 42, married with children, told me during a phone session that he was tired of not feeling happy and joyous. "As a small child, I remember being so happy and excited about life. But my parents didn't receive me at all. They were indi... http://www.articlealley.com/article_1236584_24.html 17th November 2009 Ed consulted with me because he was concerned about his 16 year-old son. "He doesn't have any friends. I'd like to spend more time with him but there doesn't seem to be anything he likes to do.""How does he spend his time?" I asked... http://www.articlealley.com/article_1223029_24.html 09th November 2009 "I feel awful saying this," Mary told me during one of our phone counseling sessions, "but I often wish my husband would die. I feel like a terrible person saying this, but I think about it a lot.""I hear this fairly often," I responded. "You ... http://www.articlealley.com/article_1208538_35.html 30th October 2009 What is Social Phobia?Social phobia - or social anxiety - is the fear of interacting with others in various situations: groups, work, school, parties, on the telephone, in a market or store, and so on. People with social phobia ex... http://www.articlealley.com/article_1193506_24.html 22nd October 2009 Research indicates that children would rather be yelled at than ignored. When prisoners are being punished, they are put in isolation, because being isolated is one of the harshest punishments there is - other than physical abuse.T... http://www.articlealley.com/article_1182598_35.html 16th October 2009 "Why do men so often change after sex?" asked Shelley in our first phone session. "Tell me what you mean by this. What has been your experience?" I asked her."I meet a guy who I like. We are very attracted to each other - lots of g... http://www.articlealley.com/article_1157922_35.html 07th October 2009 "When it is helpful to apologize?" asked Patricia, a client of mine, in one of our phone sessions. Her husband, Brent, often expected her to apologize and she was confused about when it was appropriate. The answer to this question is a little ... http://www.articlealley.com/article_1134546_35.html 30th September 2009 Many years ago, when I became a psychotherapist, all I knew was the traditional psychotherapy that I had learned in school, and that I had personally experienced with many different therapists and many different forms of therapy. For 18 years I practiced ... http://www.articlealley.com/article_1117097_24.html 24th September 2009 Some people believe that it is caring to point out their partner's flaws - that it will help to make that person a better person. But the intent behind pointing out flaws is not loving - it is controlling.Pointing Out Flaws<br... http://www.articlealley.com/article_1095628_35.html 17th September 2009 Does anger have power? Are you being powerful when you are angry? The answers to these questions depend on what you mean by power. Certainly you can intimidate many people with your anger - especially children or others who are physically weaker t... http://www.articlealley.com/article_1069638_24.html 07th September 2009 "Why would my boyfriend cheat on me?""I'm pretty sure my wife is cheating on me. I want to know why.""I know that my husband has been cheating on me for years. I don't get why he does this."Why do people cheat on their partners? Wh... http://www.articlealley.com/article_1060570_35.html 02nd September 2009 "I feel like giving up," Emma told me in our first phone session. "I've worked and worked on myself and I'm still miserable. I've had years of therapy and I still feel unbearably depressed. Nothing is working.""It sounds to me like you are aba... http://www.articlealley.com/article_1045594_24.html 21st August 2009 "Honor Thy Father and Thy Mother."But what if your father and mother didn't honor you? What if instead of loving and honoring you they physically, sexually and emotionally abused you? What if you were scared every day of your growing up years?... http://www.articlealley.com/article_1031885_24.html 12th August 2009 "Why don't I have friends?" asked Isabella in one of our phone counseling sessions.Isabella, 25 and very attractive, was having a problem that many people have. Sometimes, if people don't keep their high school friends or meet friends in colle... http://www.articlealley.com/article_1019421_24.html 05th August 2009 The Encarta World English Dictionary defines "confidence" as "a belief or self-assurance in your ability to succeed."We all know people who appear to be very confident professionally, yet when it comes to personal relationships, appear to be v... http://www.articlealley.com/article_1004676_24.html 30th July 2009 What is Emotional Dependency?Lydia consulted with me because her relationship with her husband, Andrew, was falling apart. Andrew had moved out, stating that he could no longer tolerate Lydia's neediness and constant pull on h... http://www.articlealley.com/article_980379_35.html 16th July 2009 Years ago, when on a book tour for our book, "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?", my ex-husband and I had dinner with a couple on the East Coast with whom he had become friends. I connected with Allison (not her real name) immediately. Warm and ... http://www.articlealley.com/article_969785_35.html 07th July 2009 Lindsay called me for counseling because her boyfriend of 18 months had just ended their relationship. Lindsay, 28, had been sure that Jake was "Mr. Right.""I am so heartbroken," sobbed Lindsay. "I don't know how I’m going to get through this. I... http://www.articlealley.com/article_959105_35.html 30th June 2009 "I can have a really great day, but when I wake up the next morning I feel anxious. Sometimes the better day I've had, the more anxious I am the next morning. I can't figure it out."I hear this over and over from my clients. What is happening here... http://www.articlealley.com/article_950035_24.html 26th June 2009 What is life REALLY all about? It's all about love! But what does this mean?Most people, when thinking about love, think about BEING LOVED. But, as an adult, the deeper soul's journey is not about being loved - it is about BEING LOVING. Fo... http://www.articlealley.com/article_939132_35.html 16th June 2009 In 1974, Dr. Virginia Satir presented the concept of mirroring in her groundbreaking book, "Conjoint Family Therapy."In 1975 Dr. Thomas Gordon wrote a best-selling book called "Parent Effectiveness Training." In the book he taught parents to "acti... http://www.articlealley.com/article_932245_35.html 12th June 2009 "He is always blaming me for the bad things that happen in his life, and then he tells me it's my controlling him that is making him so angry. He yells at me and puts me down rather than deal with his own feelings. How can I get him to see that he is the ... http://www.articlealley.com/article_921457_35.html 06th June 2009 I was recently at home of a friend's daughter and she had affirmations taped on the walls everywhere."Are these helpful to you?" I asked."Not really," she answered. "I do them all the time but they don't seem to be doing anything. I've rea... http://www.articlealley.com/article_912771_24.html 03rd June 2009 "We 'love' another in order to get something ourselves….There can be no greater mistake than that, for love is incapable of asking for anything."  -- A Course in Miracles"Love is incapable of asking for anything." Wow! Take a moment to... http://www.articlealley.com/article_903734_35.html 20th May 2009 Which statement do you believe is the most true? Happiness brings you financial successFinancial success brings you happinessYou might be surprised to learn that research suggests the first statement to be the most true.... http://www.articlealley.com/article_894190_24.html 15th May 2009 Take a moment right now to think about your real intention when it comes to love: Is it most important to you to get someone to love you - to get love? Is it more important to you to be a loving person - to give... http://www.articlealley.com/article_885307_35.html 11th May 2009 Most people would love to have "real love," yet often they have no idea what real love is. Take a moment to think about how you would define real love.Defining love is like defining a particular color to a person who has never been able to see ... http://www.articlealley.com/article_877928_35.html 05th May 2009 James, in his middle 30s, was ready to meet his life partner, get married and have children. After dating many women, he met Cindy. "She is really beautiful, although I'm not sure she's my type. But I think she is perfect for me. We have the same inte... http://www.articlealley.com/article_868899_35.html 26th April 2009 Would the prince have chosen Cinderella to marry if she was a miserable young woman? If her stepsisters were beautiful but miserable, would he have chosen either of them?Are you living under the delusion that when you meet your soul mate you will ... http://www.articlealley.com/article_861478_35.html 17th April 2009 Some say that the purpose of life is to seek happiness. Is happiness the purpose, or is happiness the result of another purpose? Is happiness the meaning of life, or is happiness the result of discovering what has heart and meaning for you? There i... http://www.articlealley.com/article_854199_24.html 09th April 2009 Marianne consulted with me because of anxiety and depression. She had tried various forms of medication but was not reacting well to any of the drugs. She was exhausted from lack of sleep, and from the intense anxiety that kept waking her up. While there ... http://www.articlealley.com/article_846118_24.html 03rd April 2009 "The more tranquil a [person] becomes, the greater is his success, his influence, his power for good. Calmness of mind is one of the beautiful jewels of wisdom." --James Allen, 1864-1912, Author of As A Man Thinketh Of all the challenges in life, calmn... http://www.articlealley.com/article_837650_24.html 27th March 2009 How often have you become irritated or angry, given yourself up, started to argue or debate, teach or explain, or withdrew when someone was treating you badly - ordering you around, judging you, blaming you, or dumping their complaints or negativity on yo... http://www.articlealley.com/article_829142_35.html 19th March 2009 Bobbie and Mac sought me out for couples counseling because they were on the verge of divorce - after 25 years of marriage. Both had years of counseling, yet they could not find their way through their relationship problems.Bobbie described he... http://www.articlealley.com/article_786574_35.html 16th February 2009 Sharon, one of the members of our website, emailed me asking me to write more on abuse, particularly covert incest. She was in the process of ending her 4-year marriage with her covertly abusive husband, who is emotionally incestuous with his adult daught... http://www.articlealley.com/article_776473_35.html 02nd February 2009 I often have the experience of someone showing up at one of my 5-day Intensives and presenting themselves as "all together", or "fine." "I'm not sure why I'm here," they state. "I really don't know what to work on. I've been through years of therapy a... http://www.articlealley.com/article_770287_24.html 28th January 2009 "I am an optimist. It does not seem too much use being anything else." - Winston Churchill When you notice your thoughts, which kind of thoughts predominate? Do you find yourself often thinking pessimistic thoughts such as: * I'll never get where I ... http://www.articlealley.com/article_761689_24.html 20th January 2009 "A woman who I was dating and who I really liked ended our relationship and is dating someone else. I see her all the time at the market and I feel like yelling at her." "I keep vowing not to, but I keep getting really angry at my husband when he is di... http://www.articlealley.com/article_752746_35.html 14th January 2009 Think about the last time you had a conflict with someone and you argued - with your partner, your friend, your parent, your child, or someone else in your life. What did you argue about, and why did you spend your energy arguing or fighting? REASO... http://www.articlealley.com/article_743300_35.html 08th January 2009 What do you believe about failure? The ego wounded part of ourselves, the left-brain part of ourselves that has been programmed with many false beliefs, often believes that: "If I fail, I am a failure." "If I fail, I am stupid." "If I fail, no one... http://www.articlealley.com/article_739068_24.html 06th January 2009 Inner peace and joy are spiritual gifts. The gifts of Spirit enter the heart when we make the choices we need to make to be available to them. What are these choices? PRESENCE Peace and joy exist in this present moment - not in the past or future. I... http://www.articlealley.com/article_731959_24.html 31st December 2008 Our current economic microburst has everyone wondering two things; when will it stop and how do I survive this? While no one can say where the bottom of the trend is, there are some things you can do to cope with your own anxiety and panic. I recall th... http://www.articlealley.com/article_726319_24.html 18th December 2008 "We lift ourselves by our thought. If you want to enlarge your life, you must first enlarge your thought of it and of yourself. Hold the ideal of yourself as you long to be, always everywhere." --Orison Sweet Marden, 1850-1924, Author and Founder of Succ... http://www.articlealley.com/article_726305_24.html 18th December 2008 How often have you eaten something that you know is going to put weight on you and you tell yourself that it doesn't count? Do you have any idea how many calories you actually consume in a day, and how many you need to lose weight or to maintain weight? I... http://www.articlealley.com/article_716895_23.html 11th December 2008 What makes one child excited and another fearful about trying new experiences? What makes one child put forth extensive effort toward something and another give up easily in discouragement? What makes one child intensely curious and another closed d... http://www.articlealley.com/article_709365_27.html 03rd December 2008