Bad at Relationships?
Published: 06th February 2017
You can’t turn on a TV or go to a movie theater without seeing a show about, or a commercial for, a person who’s unlucky in love- someone who goes from bad date to bad date, trying to find love, until they finally do just before the end credits roll. In real life, it’s not as fun, especially when there’s no editor making sure that it all comes together. Fortunately, if you’re bad at relationships, you have the opportunity to be your own screenwriter and address your bad habits.
There are many barriers that block us from obtaining loving and lasting relationships. In daily life, the attributes of being independent, assertive and highly intelligent serves people well in their careers and in business. But just because you have a strong grasp in these black-and-white areas of life doesn’t mean those same attributes will serve you well in the subtleties needed in maintaining and loving and equal relationship.
Sometimes those admirable personality traits that allow you succeed in business or non-romantic aspects of your social life are what truly hold you back from finding love. Often times, these are unhealed wounds developed in childhood or early relationships as a defense mechanisms or survival techniques – preventing yourself from feeling vulnerable or out of control, which in turn can lead to hurtful feelings of being exposed or weak and therefore less than.
Without even being aware that we’re doing it, we may be throwing up subconscious barriers to receiving love. Change is difficult, both mentally and physically, so the act of moving in a healthier direction naturally throws up a feeling of resistance.
As a reflex, we default to self-protecting behaviors that may not lead to successful relationships – behaviors such as self-sabotage, projection of negative traits onto others and controlling actions, while giving a sense of stability, only foster dysfunctional relationships in the long run.
However, working with a relationship coach can help us break these bad habits that have built up over a lifetime. From an objective perspective, a dating coach can help you recognize the patterns that are holding you back from taking a relationship to a long-term successful level where both partners are happy and fulfilled.
None of us have perfect communication or coping skills, but those of us who are open to recognizing our faults and actively working on them to change for the better will have the most success at finding lasting love.
It may be a scary thought to “turn over the rock” and see what’s underneath with respect to our faults. But, ultimately, that hard work of clearing out the cobwebs will bring a greater peace and openness that will serve you well in all aspects of life.
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