One common idea about relationships is that there comes a point in terms of time when both individuals start to wonder what they are doing in the relationship. This is a difficult time for both of the people as individually, and especially for the two of them as a couple; fights break out incessantly and the temptation to cheat becomes a major player. This period of the relationship is commonly known in relationship-lore as the seven-year itch.
This is in fact a real phenomenon, although it affects every person and every couple differently and to different extents. Also, the "seven-year" designation isn't terribly scientific, but it's on-the-mark more often than you might expect. Another factor that will be specific to the couple involved is the time period. Most couples will actually feel the itch after five years; some may find that it actually lasts for the time between five and seven years.
Why is there an itch in the first place?
There are several reasons why the itch occurs. The first reason would simply be our biological makeup as Homo-Sapiens. We are naturally drawn to change and long periods of time spent in static situations makes us curious and creates an urge to seem out something different and exciting. Our bodies may not actually be over their natural programming either; not very long ago, seven or five years was a significant portion of a person's natural life.
A high comfort level within the relationship can, believe it or not, also contribute to the itch's occurance. Where-as something might have been exciting at one time, if it is now comfortable and predictable it might also feel boring and mundane. Throw into the mix the fact that most couples have experienced some major shifts in their lives in the first five years of a relationship (career beginnings, promotions, the purchase of a home, the arrival of one or more babies) and you can see how the focus may be shifted away from maintaining the relationship.
Getting past the itch with your relationship intact
This is a difficult time for any couple, because there are always thoughts about what could have been. Both parties are going to under a lot of stress.
Communication is key. It is the number one most important thing in the relationship if the itch is to be overcome. Don't shut down, and don't stop sharing due to fear of a fight. A lot of couples will find that counseling is useful at this point in their relationship.
If you do go for counseling, be ready to accept that it is a process. Counseling can be even more stressful for the relationship at first and it can get worse before it gets better because there are no quick solutions to problems like this. Try not to let what is said in front of the counselor spill over after the session. A lot of couples will find that they are united through their interaction with the counselor; smiling a lot and reflecting on past good times can help to overcome the feelings of alienation from each other that the itch brings on.
Going through a rough patch in a relationship is typical. In fact, it is so common that the worst spots have actually been labeled. If you are committed to your relationship, it is important to talk through the period known as the seven year itch and be prepared to hang in as long as it takes.
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