Online Marriage Counseling about Unfaithful Husband and The Healing Process

You may entitle this summary as an example of a successful Online Marriage Counseling that used a Self Focus strategy.

Recently I've been working with J., a loving mother and wife who recently discovered her husband (of 33 years) had been unfaithful. In her own words J "For her family's sake, accepted his apology and promise that it would never happen again." She encouraged her daughters to give him a second chance.

This had all occurred about two months ago and things seemed to be back to normal in her household. Except that J. just couldn't forget that her husband had cheated on her. She was worried, over anxious and stressed about whether she could truly trust him again. J. was also concerned she was setting herself up to be hurt again and worried she was setting a poor example of tolerance for her daughters to follow in.

Her concerns for her daughters during the Online Marriage Counseling session exposed the key underlying issue: My daughters, be aware that MEN ARE EVILL!
J. had so focused on repairing her family relationship that she had not taken the time to begin her own personal healing.

I advised J that she appeared to have been reacting to her situation instead of dealing with it. As a psychologist, it was easy to detact that she had been reacting to the situation by (unfortunately) making the mistake of pulling her children into the marital issues and therefore complicating things even more.
I'm a life coach too and therefore I've determinded that the process of Marriage Counseling had to start with J., not with the couple together. I was not trying to add to her sorrow, stress and anger by saying this and assured her that I was in no way implying that what you did for her "family's sake" was incorrect. I simply advised her that before she could set things right for her daughters J. needed to situate things right with herself first.

Through our first session it became obvious that J.'s anger/confusion over the memory of the event was still there. My experience with situations like hers showed that 2-3 months (about 10 sessions) of Online Marriage Counseling was normally enough for most couples to move into a new and better sustainable place for their relationship. I therefore advised J. that psychological processes do not erase memories; they heal them. This is being done by zooming in on the "WHY" and examining/changing the fundamental deteriorating factors. Marriage Counseling could help her get through the whys and in so doing get to the healing that she so very much needed for herself and for her family. From this point and on, the sessions became very effective. J.'s perception about men and marriages has been revised. She accepted that marriage is a reciprocal chain of behaviors; that something within her marital style did not meet her husband's expectations. Once the healthy dialogue between them had started, my role as the psychologist and the Online Marriage Counseling facilitator became less and less needed.

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Dr. Joseph Abraham, Director, Center for Human Growth and Business Insights. 204 W. Main St. Mechanicsburg, PA 17055 Tel: 717-943.0959 Online Counseling on Behavioral issues and Small Business Advice Provider regarding efficiency and effectiveness.

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