Why People Change After Marriage
By: Kausik Dutta | Posted: 28th February 2007
This is a loaded title, with good reason. Marriage itself is loaded; there are so many factors and elements that feed into a marriage that breaking it down seems impossible at times. One of the biggest questions people have is "why has my partner changed so much from the person they were when I married them?" This is a complex question, and the answer isn't simple, but we're going to try and examine it in brief.
Of course the most obvious answer is that people are constantly changing and growing, but it goes deeper than that. When you first meet a person you are attracted to their outside self and personality; however, this can often be completely different, or at least removed, from whom they are internally.
Marriage generally constitutes many, many years together; as a consequence, all facades, all barriers fall away, leaving a person's true self exposed. And often, a person's true self takes their partners by surprise; it is not what they have come to expect. This feeling of foreignness can lead to the dissolution of a marriage or its reinvigoration.
In an era of marriages that occur in as little as days, it's no wonder this question is asked so often and so frequently. Contrast a couple who has been engaged several months and one who has been engaged several years; which one is likely to last longest? Probably the ones who waited, as they will have had time to see each enough of each others true selves, sans façade, to determine if they can really pull through together.
This is perhaps one of the biggest reasons couples seek help from people like marriage counselors and therapists. Coming to grasps with the way a person is rather than whom you wanted them to be is often difficult, but can be equally rewarding when all is said and done. While you don’t' necessarily need a therapist for this, they can greatly aid you, or you and your spouse, in figuring out how to deal with these new revelations.
Positive or negative, learning who your partner really is can be part of the fun of being married, and it is always an exploration. Consider taking your time and getting to know the person you're with before you get married; if you're already in a similar situation to the one above, a marriage counselor or relationship therapist can really help.
Marriagemax.com is an alternative marriage advice website created and run by relationship expert Mort Fertel since 2004. It covers a broad range of marriage topics and offers advice and ideas for helping out your marriage.
For more information about any of the programs or to contact Mort Fertel, please go to http://www.marriagemax.com or call 410.764.1552.
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Tags: good reason, surprise, personality, elements, consequence, couples, marriage, marriage counselors, true self, facades, true selves, dissolution