The definition of etiquette
By: Clive | Posted: 21st May 2007
At its simplest etiquette is just a set of rules, mostly flexible, that allow us all to function well when presented with a socially challenging situation. Knowledge of etiquette prevents us from appearing stupid or boorish. Alternatively of course etiquette can be looked upon as an antiquated set of obtuse rules and requirements (stemming from the old 'court' culture of Royal familiies past and present) having little relevance to 99.99% of the world's population.
How often are any of us in a position in which we have to request an Archbishop, a Prince of the realm, and a country's President to sit down for a meal and therefore need to know who comes first when we announce to them that dinner is served? This is what is known as precedence which expands upon the well known, " My Lords, ladies and gentlemen..." sometimes in mind boggling fashion. Which of us really needs to know how to write a letter, with correct forms of address to a Benedictine Abbot, as opposed to a retired Archdeacon?
There are various bodies and groups of people to whom isolated elements of etiquette and form are absolutely important and a select handful too who have to know every aspect by rote ( The Private Secretary to the Queen of England for example). For the rest of us, by and large, it's just knowing not to lick our knife when dining in company!
Etiquette issues do, however, face us in every day life whether it is, for a man, standing when a lady enters the room or offering his seat on public transport. To avoid swearing or picking one's nose, not dropping litter are simple aspects of etiquette or good social behaviour, good manners in fact.
If only we could all make a commitment to at least promote good manners and selflessness. If we need to know who's wedding speech follows that of the Best Mans' we can look it up in a book (or on a web site) but some etiquette manners should be part of our everyday lives. Others are so obscure and relate to the tiniest sections of society and, while not to be ignored when required, can be looked up as and when needed in your reference book of choice.
For businessmen travelling abroad just 30 minutes researching a nation's quirks, likes and dislikes, approved behaviour and social 'no-nos' can make the difference in coming home with the order or not.
For example did you know that showing the sole of your shoe to some nationalities (when crossing your legs for example) is seen as being very rude? They will be too polite to inform you of that of course so you'll never know why you've gone home with an empty order book!
How about the fact that in Norway, as in Japan, the North American 'OK' gesture, thumb and forefinger making a circle, is regarded as an insult?
Business gifts, when to give them and who to, is an etiquette minefield depending which country you are in. So is dining etiquette and when it is appropriate to discuss business and when not. Don't you think it might be an idea to do a little homework prior to your trip so as not to come across as an ignorant foreigner when you're abroad?
Clive McGonigal is the founder of The Butler Bureau a free web resource
for domestic staff, their employers and anyone interested in finer living.
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Tags: relevance, elements, handful, good manners, precedence, queen of england, selflessness, everyday lives, ladies and gentlemen, public transport, social behaviour, prince, wedding speech