More Praises for Your Spouse
By: Jhong Ren | Posted: 30th July 2007
“Can you stop behaving like a child?”
“Can you stop being so childish?”
Are these remarks familiar to you?
Couples, be it still in courtship or marriage, exchange such hurting remarks, in an attempt to stop certain behaviours which are deemed as intolerable only to themselves.
Many times, we behave in child-like manner. In fact, almost all of us cope as how we had cope as a child or had seen, as a child, how our parents cope.
What do I meant by that?
Take for example, the girlfriend from young had been given lots of leeway to get what she had always wanted. In situation that she didn’t get what she asked for, she may yell and scream at her parents and the outcome turned out to be positive for her.
Recognising that her behaviour could led to favorable outcome, no doubt she may be using the same tactic on her boy-friend or eventually her husband. Sounds familiar? (These type of people, including guys too, are what we called spoiled brats.)
In another example, the guy, when young, may had seen how his father got beaten or physically abused by his mother. (Nowadays, more and more men get beaten up by their wives too.)
As a child, the guy may have observed that his father cowered in fear and withdrew from people around him. There may be quite a high chance that the guy, may cope in the same way - withdrawing from others, if he is being bullied by his girlfriend or wife.
Many times as we grow up, we may thought that we may have really grown up. However, psychologically, we may be still coping challenges or difficulties as how we had coped as a child.
Technology advances and our environment improves. However, as for us humans, the ability to cope emotionally is still as backward as our ancestors, the cavemen.
The cavemen may be even coping more effectively than us, not having to think so much and can shout and scream whenever they feel like it.
So, next time, if your partner exhibits certain behavior such as throwing of tantrum or screaming or shouting or the likes, take a step backward to really understand why is your partner behaving in this way…what is s/he feeling inside, put ourselves in their shoes and show more empathy. (Remember I talked about understanding your partner fully?)
A direct confrontation such as an insensitive remark is like adding fuel to a spark to cause an outburst of flame.
About the Author
Occupation: social worker
Jhong Ren runs My Wedding Blog- an online wedding diary that gives more than just the usual tips and advice on a daily basis. Check out http://www.romance-fire.com now and by all means leave us your comments, share some of your own wedding experiences and give us some suggestions for new resources we can recommend to our community.
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Tags: tactic, no doubt, challenges, fear, couples, leeway, ancestors, courtship, marriage, cavemen, technology advances, behaviours, girlfriend, tantrum, boy friend, favorable outcome, recognising