Single Mom Holiday Pressure

Published: 04th December 2016
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You feel stressed and overwhelmed. You just can't do everything you think you should be able to do. It doesn't matter there is only one of you. It doesn't matter that you're doing what's meant for two people. There's no time to cut yourself a break. You should be doing it all--and doing it all stupendously.

Why can't you? What's wrong with you? Susie is doing it just fine. Jan doesn't seem to have a problem with it, but for some reason, you're struggling. Little do you know Susie and Jan are struggling too, you're just not seeing it (because they hide it well).

Now it's the holiday season, and you feel the pressure build even more. After a long, hard day, you feel the stress. How are you going to give your kids all they want for Christmas? How are you going to be able to afford it? They won't understand there is not enough money. When you say "not enough money," you don't mean because you went shopping for yourself. You mean, there's not enough money, because your check is either spent before you get it or after you pay rent, electricity, and water, you still have to worry about food.

There's no money for that mechanical car or that large dollhouse. You feel like you're letting your kids down. How can a mom disappoint her kids like this? You feel like a failure; you can't give them what they want.

There are so many things I want to say to you, but I need to know you're really ready and willing to listen to me. Listen to what I'm saying--not to what you think you hear, but to what I'm really saying. Can you do that?

You ARE NOT a failure. Failure is an event. It's not a person. You are not a failure! You are the epitome of success, even if you don't feel like it. Look back at where you were five years ago, a year ago, or even six months ago. You've have to fight hard for where you are now and for who you are. Don't let anything take that away from you. Repeat after me...I AM NOT A FAILURE! Do it again. I AM NOT A FAILURE! Say it again. I AM NOT A FAILURE!

You, my friend, are NOT a failure. You are a fighter. You are a survivor. You are strength. You are courage. You are brave. You are success. You are becoming who you are meant to be!

It's not the kids who put pressure on us, it's us putting the pressure on ourselves. It's us thinking we "have" to get them ALL they want for Christmas. What are they going to think of us if they don't? What are they going to say if they don't? Then when their words hit us like a ton of bricks, what are we going to think of ourselves. Little do we know, our children would never say, think, or do anything. Those are just the negative, horrible conversations we have in our heads but would never become reality.

Your children love you. They don't need everything they want. It's actually better for them if they don't get everything. It teaches them hard work, the value of money, respect, dedication, responsibility, and so many others.

All your children want (and need) is you--their loving mom who will fight tooth and nail for them, who will take on lions, tigers, and bears for them, who will slay the fire-blowing dragons for them, who will tackle anyone who even thinks about harming them, and who will put aside everything she wants to make sure they get what they want first. You are the one thing they need. And, my friend, they already have you.

So take the pressure off yourself. Cut yourself a break. Give yourself permission to just be you. You're doing your best...and maybe that best is not what you had envisioned for your life. Maybe that best is not what you dreamed. Maybe that best is a whole lot less than you thought...but that best is all your kids need.

There should be no single mom holiday pressure. Strip away the guilt and start enjoying this time of year. Because when it comes down to it, your kids won't remember what gifts they got this year. But they will always remember the love they received, the laughter they shared, and a mom who did everything in her power to ensure their happiness. And that my friend, is all that really matters.


As a single mom and founder of The Single Mom Movement, Jessica Rector is determined to educate and empower single moms. Single motherhood affects everyone. You can Join The Movement, Become An Advocate, or Partner with Us. Do you feel isolated? CLICK HERE and never feel alone. Single moms CLICK HERE for FREE 50 Resources Every Single Mom Needs.

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