This is the best man speech from the Starnes-Eason wedding. Sound quality is a little iffy.
Edit: I've been asked to put the speech into text due to poor sound quality, so here goes...
Im Matt Riggins, and Ive been chosen as the Best Man today. Ive been saying Im the best man for a while, so its nice to see everybody get together and celebrate it. But, Im not the best man today, Im just a pretty good guy. Obviously the best man here is Mattor Brandy would be marrying me today. Not from lack of my trying
I hope youre all here having a good time, and if you would please, join me in raising your glasses to some people who are very near and dear to my heart and mean a lot to methe bar staff. Make sure you take care of them tonight.
Speaking of the bar staff, I know that any bar staff recognizes Matt Starnes when he walks through the door. Matt and I have been friends since about 2nd grade, wouldnt you say? Which is about when he started drinking. Well, I think it was my first time through 2nd grade, his 3rd. I think when we really hit it off is when I helped teach him not to eat crayons and that you go #2 inside the toilet and outside your pants. I think thats why I became a teacher, I did a pretty good job of it. He hasnt eaten crayons since.
That was about 16 years ago, and weve had some pretty good memories, yeah? Like, do you remember the story of my first kiss? Amy (grooms mother) would you stand up please, baby? Hey sweetie. Laugh all you want, it really happened.
This is my first time being a best man, so I wasnt sure how to give the speech. So I went looking for advice and apparently there are 4 things you do when you give a best man speech. You stand up, you speak up, pretty quickly shut up, and you sit down. So Im not going to take up a whole lot more of your time.
Ive also been told at this point, Im supposed to sing the grooms praises and talk about his good points. ButI dont hear any music. And Im not going to lie to you guys. Ive been told, also, that Im supposed to talk about the massive number of ex-girlfriends Matt has. But this is a formal occasion, and I dont think we really need to talk about that. And I lost count a long time ago, anyways.
And for the bridethe first time I met Brandyshe was in a neck brace. I think that was when you totaled your first car? And I say first because shes totaled more than one. But I wasnt sure if Brandy was going to be one of the others, or if Matt was really serious about her. I figured it out, and it kind of hit me that she really did mean a lot to him because hes willing to give up so much to be with her. I dont know that I could be with somebody like Brandy, and I mean no offense by that. With what I make at my job, it would take at least half my salary to cover her car insurance.
But with sacrifice comes reward, and Ive never seen Matt happier than he is with Brandy. The wedding was beautiful today, you guys look like youre having a good time tonight, but we all know that the real fun starts tonight, right? I heard that there might be some special, lacy underwear involved. It was just really hard to talk Matt out of wearing them during the wedding ceremony instead of tonight.
In all seriousness, Matts a great guy. Best friend I could ask for. Like Forrest Gump said, Hes my best good friend, and even I know thats not something you can find around the corner. He and I have been through a lot together. Matts family to me. Ive been kind of thinking about that, and I was wondering, what exactly is family? So I looked it up. And usually it says something about, you know, people that share common ancestors or genetics or any of that stuff. Well, Matt and I dont have that. But I dont think its that important. Matts a brother to me, and he knows Id do anything in the world for him.
And now, obviously the bride, Brandy. You look stunning today. You do. Im really happy you two found each other. Youre attractive, like I said earlier, youre smart, youre good looking, youre fun to be around, girlyou fine. So basically youve taken my place in Matts life. Youre a great girl and Matt couldnt be luckier to have you. Ive enjoyed getting to know you, and I want you to know that youre family, too.
So in all seriousness guys, raise your glasses. We came together tonight to celebrate love, to have a little laughter. Heres wishing you twoa happy ever after. Love you guys.
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