Anmerkung: meine Dignose wurde inzwischen zu "Hochfunktionalen Autismus" abgeändert.
Translation:
Interviewer: You were diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome?
Ginger: Yes.
I: And as a child you experienced Holding Therapy (HT)? [It was done, because Ginger hardly†talked as a child] Just tell us, from your point of view, how it influenced you.
G: Well, I remember it in a very negative way and for a long time I suppressed it and now I sometimes have flashbacks and it is very hard for me to deal with it, because it was a very bad experience for me. I try to deal with it, which is very difficult for me. My mother did the HT with me, because she thought it would be for the best I suppose. But since then, when my mother comes too close, I react irritable und this spoils our relationship even today and that's probably the reason why it never worked out between us.
I: And now, in regard to relationships with other people, not only your mother?
G: When I know other people very well and trust them, then intimacy is no problem for me; but when I don't know them very well or don't trust them and they come too close or touch my shoulder to comfort me or grab my arm, because they want me to stop or something, I can't stand it and just want to flee from this situation and then I distance myself emotionally from them much quicker. That makes relationships much more complicated, but when I get to know people very well, then it's ok for me.
I: I mean, this HT is very controversial and is being criticized by a lot of people, and there are also people who are calling it an act of violence or torture. What do you think?
G: In my opinion it really is torture, because, I don't know, because holding people against their will, although they might have not even done anything; just because they don't like someone's behaviour, because someone doesn't talk or acts strangely in their eyes. And then, at times even holding the children for hours, until they start to defend themselves and try to escape, and start crying, becoming desperate, finally stopping and resigning. I don't know another word to describe it other than "torture", because you get another person to give up on himself or herself; you break this person, you take away his last piece of dignity. [Mrs.] Prekop also approves of turning off the lights and keeping away any outside influences from the children (whereas she also recommends Holding Therapy for wives). This was even worse, because looking out of the window was something I could do in these moments. That was a piece of reality that remained for me, that kept me grounded and if you take everything from someone -- I think, this is very, very hard. I mean: you wouldn't put someone in a box and release him after a while -- which is much the same situation for me. Probably with HT it's even more severe, as in the majority of cases it's done by a person you trust (i.e. often the parents), someone the children deeply trust -- this interferes with the child's early development even more. If you can't trust your parents -- whom should you trust then? It's your parents who you learn to trust first and then you go on with your environment. If this basic confidence fails, it is even more difficult to develop further confidence and to know: "The world doesn't do me any harm. I can develop the way I want to, as long as it hurts nobody else." I guess, this feeling is missing then completely. It's not that they tell you: "Ok, you should change these few things." Like parents often do. This point of reference is totally taken from you. I don't think that HT has had any positive effects on me. It may seem that the children act in a more "normal" way, since they whinge less, they stop doing this or that; they make no more demands or whatever. But, you always have to be afraid, as soon as you say something like: „But I like to do this and that" or „I want to stay here. I want to do something particular. I rather want to go to my friend" or something else, that you have no right to do so,†that it is enforced again, that you are maybe not eligible for it. And you never got shown: "You are precious the way you are." And if it was shown, then it always was something contrary. On the one hand this restrain, this violence that takes everything away from you until the very last bit, and on the other hand this love, this: "We really like you!" and everything, and this is what is hard to handle.
Continued in Part 2
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